Sunday, September 03, 2006

Office Vocabulary

We will look into it - By the time the wheel makes a full turn, we assume you will have forgotten about it too.

It is in process - So wrapped up in red tape that the situation is almost hopeless.

A Program - Any assignment that can't be completed by one telephone call.

Expedite - To confound confusion with commotion?

Channels - Be trail left by the interoffice memo.

Coordinator - me guy who has a desk between two expeditors.

Consultant (or Expert) - Any ordinary guy more than 50 miles from home.

To Activate - To make carbons and add more names to the memo.

To Implement a Program - Hire more people and expand the office.

Under Consideration - Never heard of it.

Under Active Consideration - We're looking in the files for it.

A Meeting - A mass mulling by master minds.

A Conference - A place where conversation is substituted for the dreariness of labor and the loneliness of thought.

To Negotiate - To seek a meeting of minds without knocking together of heads.

Re-orientation - Getting used to working again.

Reliable Source - The guy you just met.

Informed Source - The guy who told the guy you just met.

A Clarification - To fill in the background with so many details that the foreground goes underground.

We Are Making A Survey - We need more time to think of an answer.

Note and Initial - Let's spread the responsibility for this.

See Me, or Let's Discuss - Come down to my office, I'm lonesome.

Let's Get Together on This - I'm assuming you're as confused as I am.

Give Us the Benefit of Your Present Thinking - We'll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn't interfere with what we've already decided to do.

To Give Someone the Picture - A long, confused and inaccurate statement to a newcomer.

Will Advise You in Due Course - If we figure it out, we'll let you know.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Anna Kournikova Photos

Anna Kournikova
Anna Kournikova
Anna Kournikova
Anna Kournikova
Anna Kournikova
Anna Kournikova
Anna Kournikova
Anna Kournikova
Anna Kournikova

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Make your own TamPistol

Sunday, July 02, 2006

Nice AD

Friday, June 30, 2006

Lifted from Versacelitterbox

I am very much pro-feminist. I still tell sick chauvinist jokes, but I am an equal opportunity offender.

I lifted this from versacelitterbox

thank a feminist...

If you're female and...

...you can vote, thank a feminist.
...you get paid as much as men doing the same job, thank a feminist.
...you went to college instead of being expected to quit after high school so your brothers could go because "You'll just get married anyway", thank a feminist.
...you can apply for any job, not just "women's work", thank a feminist
...you can get or give birth control information without going to jail, thank a feminist.
...your doctor, lawyer, pastor judge or legislator is a woman, thank a feminist.
...you play an organized sport, thank a feminist.
...you can wear slacks without being excommunicated from your church or run out of town, thank a feminist.
...your boss isn't allowed to pressure you to sleep with him, thank a feminist.
...you get raped and the trial isn't about your hemline or your previous boyfriends, thank a feminist.
...you start a small business and can get a loan using only your name and credit history, thank a feminist
...you are on trial and are allowed to testify in your own defense, thank a feminist.
...you own property that is solely yours, thank a feminist.
...you have the right to your own salary even if you are married or have a male relative, thank a feminist.
...you get custody of your children following divorce or separation, thank a feminist.
...you get a voice in the raising and care of your children instead of them being completely controlled by the husband/father, thank a feminist.
...your husband beats you and it is illegal and the police stop him instead of lecturing you on better wifely behavior, thank a feminist.
...you are granted a degree after attending college instead of a certificate of completion, thank a feminist.
...you can breastfeed your baby discreetly in a public place and not be arrested, thank a feminist.
...you marry and your civil human rights do not disappear into your husband's rights, thank a feminist.
...you have the right to refuse sex with a diseased husband [or just "husband"], thank a feminist.
...you have the right to keep your medical records confidential from the men in your family, thank a feminist.
...you have the right to read the books you want, thank a feminist.
...you can testify in court about crimes or wrongs your husband has committed, thank a feminist.
...you can choose to be a mother or not a mother in you own time not at the dictates of a husband or rapist, thank a feminist.
...you can look forward to a lifespan of 80 years instead of dying in your 20s from unlimited childbirth, thank a feminist.
...you can see yourself as a full, adult human being instead of a minor who needs to be controlled by a man, thank a feminist.

Crazy Kangaroos

One of the worst jokes ever...

Late last Saturday night; a young chap was walking home from a club. It was a cold, wet, windy evening, and he was tired and freezing.

Most of the streetlights in the area were broken, and the silence was only broken by the occasional sound of a stray cat sifting through a dustbin.

Then suddenly he heard a strange noise...

BUMP........

BUMP........

BUMP........

Startled by this, he turned, and to his amazement, through the driving rain, he saw the faint outline of a large box turning into his road.

BUMP........

BUMP........

BUMP........

He froze to the spot, he couldn't believe his eyes, as the box approached from the shadows, he was able to make out its shape more clearly.... It was a coffin.

Not wanting anything to do with this, he put his head down and started walking briskly home.

BUMP........

BUMP........

BUMP........

He could feel the coffin gaining on him, he started walking faster...

BUMP........BUMP......

BUMP........BUMP......

BUMP........BUMP......

The coffin was closing with his every step, he started to jog, but he heard
the coffin speed up after him......

BUMP........BUMP...BUMP...

BUMP........BUMP...BUMP...

BUMP........BUMP...BUMP...

He started to sprint, but so did the coffin .......

BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP.

BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP.....

BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP....

Eventually he made it to his front door, but he knew the coffin was only seconds behind. Fumbling around in his pocket, he pulled out his keys, his hand trembling, he managed to open the lock, he dived inside slamming the front door behind him. He shot into his front room, and slumped into his comfy chair.

Suddenly there was a loud crash, as the coffin smashed its way through the
front door. The force of the impact broke the lock off the coffin allowing
the lid to swing freely on its rusty hinges as it continued its chase...

BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...

BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...

BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...

BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...

In horror the young lad fled again, as fast as his shaking legs could take him he bolted upstairs to the bathroom and locked the door...

BUMP...SCREECH...HOP..BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...

BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...

BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...

The coffin again gave chase up the stairs, across the landing and launched itself at the bathroom door. With an almighty smash, the bathroom door flew off its hinges.....

The coffin stood in the doorway, then started to approach the young terrified lad.

BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...

BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP.SCREECH...

BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...

In a last ditch attempt to save his skin, he reached for his bathroom cabinet......

He grabbed a bar of Imperial Leather soap and threw it at the coffin...

Still it came...

BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...

He grabbed his can of Lynx deodorant and threw it...

Still it came......

BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP.SCREECH...

He grabbed his first aid kit and threw it...

Still it came......

BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...

He grabbed some Benelyn cough mixture and threw it...

The coffin stopped.