Sunday, September 03, 2006

Office Vocabulary

We will look into it - By the time the wheel makes a full turn, we assume you will have forgotten about it too.

It is in process - So wrapped up in red tape that the situation is almost hopeless.

A Program - Any assignment that can't be completed by one telephone call.

Expedite - To confound confusion with commotion?

Channels - Be trail left by the interoffice memo.

Coordinator - me guy who has a desk between two expeditors.

Consultant (or Expert) - Any ordinary guy more than 50 miles from home.

To Activate - To make carbons and add more names to the memo.

To Implement a Program - Hire more people and expand the office.

Under Consideration - Never heard of it.

Under Active Consideration - We're looking in the files for it.

A Meeting - A mass mulling by master minds.

A Conference - A place where conversation is substituted for the dreariness of labor and the loneliness of thought.

To Negotiate - To seek a meeting of minds without knocking together of heads.

Re-orientation - Getting used to working again.

Reliable Source - The guy you just met.

Informed Source - The guy who told the guy you just met.

A Clarification - To fill in the background with so many details that the foreground goes underground.

We Are Making A Survey - We need more time to think of an answer.

Note and Initial - Let's spread the responsibility for this.

See Me, or Let's Discuss - Come down to my office, I'm lonesome.

Let's Get Together on This - I'm assuming you're as confused as I am.

Give Us the Benefit of Your Present Thinking - We'll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn't interfere with what we've already decided to do.

To Give Someone the Picture - A long, confused and inaccurate statement to a newcomer.

Will Advise You in Due Course - If we figure it out, we'll let you know.